话说，一个英国大叔在超市买了一根黄瓜，准备做自己最爱吃的黄瓜三明治。可是，万万没想到啊，他在黄瓜上发现了一条虫子的尸体。

　　大叔感到不开森了，于是就给Tesco超市写了封信。

　　Dear Tesco, yesterday I purchased one of your fine cucumbers to make my favourite dish – a cucumber sandwich.亲爱滴Tesco,昨儿我在你那买了一根好黄瓜，准备做我的最爱-黄瓜三明治。

　　Upon opening my cucumber, I discovered a worm inside the wrapping.谁能想到，一打开保鲜膜我就发现里面有条小虫虫。

　　I thought – at last, finally Tesco have come up with something to beat Aldi’s free-spider-with-bananas offer.

　　我想着吧，唉，至少你家也算是买一送一啊，跟之前ALDI超市买香蕉送毒蜘蛛有的一拼。（之前， 英国另一个家庭在买回的香蕉里发现巴西毒蜘蛛，小朋友被咬伤住院。）

　　I excitedly shouted the kids downstairs to come and meet our new pet. We decided to name him William.

　　我特别激动滴叫娃们下楼来看我们的新宠物。我们还给它起了个洋气的名字-william.

　　Our new pet appeared to be very unresponsive, we just put it down to him being sleepy and decided to give him some time to come round.

　　一开始捏，我们发现新宠物比较高冷，不爱搭理我们。但我们不捉急，决定给它点时间。

　　Twenty-four hours later and William still hasn’t moved – on closer inspection he seems quite flat (again, see picture) and I think he may be dead.一天过去了，William还不动，仔细一瞅（见图片）它有点扁，这时我觉得它可能是死了。I’m no vet, but I think the tight shrink wrap on the cucumber may have squashed and killed William.我不是兽医，但我猜测William可能死于黄瓜外面裹得超紧的保鲜膜。I know Aldi’s banana spiders were deadly, but at least they had some life in them.话说，人家ALDI的蜘蛛虽然有毒，但至少人家是个活物啊。I now have three very upset children, a worm funeral to plan and to top it all off I’ve totally lost my taste for cucumber sandwiches, which as everyone knows are a favourite at any wake.你说说我咋办吧，三个娃伤心的不要不要的，我还得去策划葬礼，更重要滴是，我再也无法直视最爱的黄瓜三明治了！

　　“So come on Tesco, wiggle your way out of this one.”所以，我不管！Tesco你得给我个交代！

　　Tesco的售后小哥也是出了名的有才华啊，于是迅速回了封信：

　　I'll be heading to a muddy festival shortly, trawling through the fields of damp grass and dirt much like William would've during his happier times.马上就要去一个泥潭庆典了，估计是跟Willam生前最快乐的时光差不多的环境。

　　This means I won’t be able to make it on the day unfortunately, though I've decided to compose a poem, which I hope you can read out on the day. Would that be OK?所以，我可能参加不了它的葬礼了。但我决定赋诗一首，希望你能替我念给它听。可以吗？ 于是，这小哥还真给虫虫William写了首诗。

　　事情到这儿还没完！

　　英国大叔真的带领三个娃特别郑重的给William举行了葬礼！（有图有真相）他回信给Tesco说Tesco Rob, we read out your poem, and there wasn't a dry eye amongst us.来自Tesco的Rob,我们把你的诗在葬礼上念了，大家都哭了。于是，这大叔回了首诗给Tesco！！！！！！

　　就这样，两人互相调戏了好几轮~~~

　　终于把对方捧成了网红。大叔的手机都告诉他，恭喜你，你红了！

　　围观的吃瓜群众也是纷纷加入了悼念虫虫William的行列中。

　　有人表示：R.I.P William the worm. A truly exceptional worm, who will always be with us, wherever we go.有人表示：以后吃黄瓜要多看两眼。还有很多人要求Tesco给回信的售后小哥Rob加薪升职！

　　售后服务做成这程度，必须点赞啊！

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